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That Day, Part 9: Theatrics
“How much further?” I was happy. The date was going well. Oliver had seemed to be incredibly pleased by the trip to the theatre, and I was happy that he was happy. Sure, the play was proving a little challenging to follow, but it wasn't as difficult as I had thought it might be... My train of thought was interrupted by the bartender placing the drinks I'd ordered down in front of me. I paid and smiled in thanks, grabbing the two glasses and edging my way back through the crowd around the bar. Taking a moment to glance about for Oliver, I stopped when I saw he was talking to someone, some big lion. He was smiling and laughing. Jealousy welled up within me as I saw this, a harsh and horrible surge of emotion. I should be the one Oliver was talking and laughing with, not some random stranger! It should be me making Oliver happy, not some tall handsome feline! Oliver was… Taking a deep breath, I reigned in those thoughts and feelings. I could hardly believe myself. My relationship with the badger was only a week old, and I was already starting to feel possessive, letting jealousy at the slightest thing rile me up. I mean, did I want things with Oliver go the way of things with Evan? No, I most definitely did not want to repeat the big mistakes of my past. There was nothing wrong with Oliver talking to another guy. Especially as I knew how few friends he had, if he was making a new one, that was great, right? It wasn’t as if they were planning to date or anything… There are times when my timing is absolutely terrible. This was one such time. As I approached the two of them, the lion placed a paw on Oliver’s shoulder and then I was able to hear their conversation over the din of voices in the bar. “I’ll even treat you to dinner.” The lion was saying. “We can make a date of it…” I blinked in surprise at that, and fully expected the next thing to happen to be Oliver turning him down, perhaps even explaining he was already in a relationship, even though I vaguely knew that was unlikely due to his issues about being gay in public. But instead, he said nothing. No explanation of his relationship status. No saying that he couldn’t, or that it wasn’t possible. Nothing at all. He just smiled in response. Smiled at the big handsome lion, who was probably much more successful and interesting than I could ever hope to be… Like I said, my timing can be terrible. Of all the moments to get back to Oliver, it had to be that one. I felt a stab of cold hard jealously, horrible paranoid fantasies of Oliver deciding this guy was better and wanting to date him instead of me tumbled through my head in a split-second. And there was the crushing feeling of betrayal. Oliver, my boyfriend, was apparently smiling and happy at the prospect of dating another guy, of betraying our relationship. The combination of jealously and betrayal… well it set off all kinds of unwanted flashbacks to Evan. Seeing him kissing another guy, taunting me and provoking me, laughing in my face… And then when I…. No. I was not going to let myself relive all that. Not here, not now. I forced all that pain and shame away, burying it deep, to deal with later. I forced myself to focus on the here and now. I knew I was being stupid, letting things get to me. I trusted Oliver, I really did, and I didn’t want to wreck things with my paranoid insecurities. I stepped toward the badger and the lion. “Look, I…” Oliver was starting to say something. Perhaps even the refusal I had been expecting. But I had already cleared my throat to announce my arrival, stupidly interrupting him. They both turned to face me, the lion withdrawing his paw from Oliver’s shoulder, and I tried to keep the complicated mass of emotions boiling within me from showing on my face. “Oh, hi Harvey!” Oliver said, his face lighting up. But I spotted the look in his eyes and the hint of concern in his expression as he looked at me and I knew he had spotted something was up with me. “Er… This is Richard…” The big lion smiled at me, his face a mask of polite superior smugness. “Richard Llewelyn.” He said, holding out a paw. “Pleasure to meet you.” I passed Oliver his drink to free up a paw and shook Richard’s, firmly and perhaps squeezing a little harder than I should have. As we shook, our eyes met, and in that instant, a sort of understanding passed between us. Neither one of us wanted the other there. Usually, I tend to be an easy-going guy, and am willing to give anyone a chance and not jump to snap judgements. But then and there, I developed an instant and possibly irrational dislike of this lion who was intruding on my time with my boyfriend. But I still had my manners. “Yes, nice to meet you too.” I said, without much enthusiasm. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Oliver giving me an odd look. But I ignored it, keeping my attention focused on Richard as I pulled back my paw. “You must by Oliver’s friend.” He said. His tone was pleasant, but I could sense the frosty edge to his voice. “I hope you’re enjoying the play?” “Yes.” I said, willing this guy to disappear and leave me alone with Oliver. “Are you?” “Of course!” Richard chuckled, in an arrogant and annoying fashion. “It’s one of Shakespeare’s great tragedies, one his finest works. I’d have to be a fool not to enjoy it.” He gave Oliver a smile. “So long as you ignore the masticated scenery, of course…” That comment went over my head, but managed to draw a chuckle from Oliver, leaving me feeling like the odd one out here, as the two of them shared some private joke. It was close, but I just managed to stop myself letting out a growl of annoyance. Richard looked back to me, a satisfied glint in his eye at his small victory, that damn smug smile of his seemingly growing wider. My dislike of him was growing by the second. I decided it was time to take the initiative. I sidled closer to Oliver, positioning myself beside the badger, resisting an urge to put an arm around his shoulders. I fixed Richard with a meaningful glare. “Well, it was nice to have met you.” I said, trying my best to match his politeness but making no effort whatsoever to hide the fact that I didn’t really mean it. “But we shouldn’t keep you from getting back to your seat before the interval is up.” And then I gave him one of my best scowling frowns, hoping that he would finally get the message that Oliver and I were here together. And not just as friends. A look of realization crossed the lion’s face as he looked back and forth between me and Oliver as it finally seemed to hit him. And yet, his smile did not falter in the slightest. Instead, he gave me a curt nod. “Of course.” He said, in a way that managed to seem both pleasant and annoyingly smug. “I won’t bother the two of you any further. Enjoy the rest of the play. It was nice to meet you both.” He turned to leave. I thought that would be it. Except as he was leaving, he glanced back over his shoulder and added. “I hope I see you around Oliver. My offer will still stand…” And with that he was gone. My thoughts were fuming. What an asshole! Even after realizing the two of us were together, he still tries to flirt with Oliver and offer him a date! I mean… “What the hell was that all about?” Oliver asked. I glanced at the badger beside me. “Huh?” “Why the hell were you so cold and hostile to him?” He demanded. “He was a nice friendly guy…” “He was a creep!” I said, somewhat shocked that he couldn’t see that. Oliver seemed somewhat taken aback by that, lost for words. I realised I had to explain further. Unfortunately, we were standing in a very public bar and I didn’t want to embarrass him. I took him by the arm and led him over to a relatively quiet corner. Making sure there wasn’t anyone too close to us, I leaned in to him, keeping my voice low. “He was flirting with you and leering at you… “So, I’m not allowed to have other guys be interested in me?” Oliver said. Rather than understanding me, he was getting annoyed. “Am I not allowed to talk to other guys, to have friends?” That triggered some uncomfortable flashbacks to fights with Evan. I quickly supressed them. “That’s not what I meant…” I tried to explain, but a smidge of self-doubt crept into my mind. Was I overreacting here? Repeating mistakes I’d made with Evan? “You’re already with me…” “He didn’t know that!” Oliver said, not bothering to hide his frustration at my attitude. “And you were hardly in a rush to let him know.” I shot back. “In fact, you seemed rather happy about it.” I regretted it as soon as the words left my muzzle, kicking myself for letting my paranoid fears get the better of me. Oliver looked stunned and shocked at what I’d said, and I could hardly blame him. He was about to say something in response, and I was fumbling for the right words to apologise, when we were both interrupted by an announcement that the second half of the play would be starting soon. Glowering at me, his face full of irritation Oliver drained his glass in one gulp and set it down on a nearby table. “We should get back to our seats.” And without another word, he turned and joined the crowd leaving the bar. I hurriedly downed the rest of my drink before rushing after him. Nothing more was said between us all the way back to our seats. For my part, I was lost in my own confused and furious thoughts. I was trying to figure out what had gone wrong exactly. I had got annoyed at some random creep hitting on my boyfriend and yet had ended up the bad guy? What the hell? Of course, I knew all too well what had gone wrong, even if it was tough for me to admit. The problem had been me, handling the whole thing in a very bad way, getting paranoid and possessive about my badger. I thought I had learned my lesson from everything that happened with Evan, but it turns out I really hadn’t. I wanted to apologise to Oliver, but wasn’t sure what to say. Maybe telling him about Evan would help him understand…? My mind rejected that option pretty much instantly. It wasn’t the time or the place and I was nowhere near ready for Oliver to learn such unpleasant stuff about me. I know I had to tell him all that stuff eventually, especially if I wanted things between us to be long term. But I just… I just wasn’t able to bring myself to do it yet. So, a simple apology for now then. Unfortunately, there wasn’t time before the play started up again, the lights going down at the murmur of voices around us dropping away. Down on the stage, actors emerged and the performance resumed. I did my best to focus my attention on it rather than my regrets over everything and how I’d handled the Richard situation. But it wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t helped by one simple thing. Oliver showed no interest in holding my paw for this half. I tried not to read too much into that,,, I had to try and not read too much into things… That thought was one I clung to as the second half of the play started. I tried not to read too much into Harvey’s behaviour. He’d been so unfriendly and cold toward Richard and had then been an ass about it afterwards, being all jealous and accusatory, claiming the lion had been some kind of creep. I don’t think I’d ever seen him like that before. Could he have been right? As I sat there, watching as the actors once again took the stage, I was suddenly unsure. Richard had seemed friendly enough, and I was certain he had been gay and interested in me. But he hadn’t known about me and Harvey. Yeah, if I was honest, it had been nice to have someone flirting with me. It was such a rare occurrence, after all. But I just hadn’t had a chance to tell him that I was with someone, it’s not that I hadn’t meant to… But Harvey didn’t know that, some traitorous part of my sub-conscious said. It was a weak argument, I knew the bear should trust me, but it still added to the sense of uncertainty about the whole situation. Maybe Harvey had a point he just hadn’t had a chance to properly explain? Maybe he saw something in Richard that I didn’t? Was there something in his past, the past I still knew so little about, that would explain his reaction? The fact was, I had no idea. And that bothered me. But at the same time, did I want to push things any further and risk driving Harvey away? The fear of me doing something wrong and inadvertently wrecking our relationship was still very real, particularly that early into it. Perhaps it would be best to let it drop. Just let go of it, use the second half of the play to cool off and then maybe talk about it later. It seemed like a good idea, but I remained uncertain. I would wait and see what Harvey did, if he explained or apologised, and go from there. So, I settled into my seat and focused my attention on the stage, forcing myself to focus on the play, pushing my worries and concerns to the back of my mind for the moment. Somehow, I’m not sure exactly how, I did manage to forget about things and lose myself in the performance. A combination of the magic of Shakespeare and the talent of the actors, I suppose. Well, I forgot about things up until the final scene, and in particular Othello’s big speech, when one line in particular struck me: ‘Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate…’ It was essentially Othello asking the other characters to be honest when talking about him, the good and the bad. And it set me off thinking about Harvey and my attitude towards him. Was I accepting of the good and bad in my boyfriend? Was I expecting him to be perfect? As wonderful as he was, he wasn’t perfect, just like everyone. Looking at what had happened from his point of view, he had come across some random handsome guy hitting on his boyfriend. That was bound to get on anyone’s nerves. Yes, he had maybe over-reacted a little, but that was where no one being perfect came in. This was probably just part of who he was. It then became a matter of it was something I was able to accept. And that frankly seemed like a silly question. Of course I was! I didn’t want to lose him. I cared a great deal about him and didn’t want this unpleasantness and my anxieties about it to wreck the chances of things working out between us. I didn’t want to drive him away. Suddenly, the play was over and everyone was applauding. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts, I had missed the last few moments. It didn’t matter too much. I joined in with the applause, clapping my paws vigorously. Beside me, Harvey was doing likewise. I looked to him and shot him a quick smile that I hoped was both reassuring and appreciative, but I couldn’t be too sure how successful I was on that front. There was still a degree of tension between us as we got up to leave with everyone else, filing out with the crowds of chattering and murmuring theatre patrons. I was pretty sure we were both thinking about the incident with Richard and I was wondering what would happen when we got somewhere more private. Would he want to talk about it more? Maybe throw more angry accusations at me? I hoped not. More and more, I was thinking that the thing was my fault all along for not being more aware and accepting that Harvey wasn’t perfect. When it came right down to it, I was hoping that we would able to just drop the whole thing, ignore it and move on. The fear that this could lead to a big argument that destroyed our relationship felt very real and I wanted to do whatever I could to avoid that. As we reached the foyer, Harvey mumbled that he needed to use the bathroom. I simply nodded and he headed off while I stood waiting for him. Sick of over-thinking this whole mess, I started leafing through a display of pamphlets advertising upcoming productions, simply to distract myself from my thoughts. Some of them looked interesting. A production of ‘Waiting for Godot’ with a couple of talented well-known actors. There was apparently a production of ‘Death of a Salesman’ scheduled for next year, one I’d never actually managed to see a performance of, despite always wanting to. And there was another Shakespeare in a few months, an interesting looking modern interpretation of ‘The Tempest’. As I put the last of the pamphlets down again, I was wondering if maybe Harvey would be interested in any of them. Or at least going to any of them with me and… I paused in what I was doing as something, a minor detail, caught my attention. On the back of the leaflet for ‘The Tempest’ was a list of credits. One of them jumped out at me: ‘Director – Richard Llewelyn’. It could have been a coincidence, sure. But that seemed very unlikely, and I realized I hadn’t got as far as asking Richard what he did for a living. I felt a pang of regret at that. I would have loved hearing all about what it was like being a theatre director. Of course, Harvey wouldn’t have liked me talking to him for that long… It then struck me. Harvey. I couldn’t tell him about this, as it would just risk dredging up something I’d rather we moved on from. And that would in turn mean that was one theatre production we couldn’t go to, as if Harvey found out he was involved… well, who knows what kind of accusations he might throw my way. My imagination could come up with all sorts of unpleasant possibilities. So, we just wouldn’t go to that one, no matter how much I might want to. Or any future ones that lion might be involved with. Yeah, it was kind of annoying to have to avoid something I liked for the sake of my relationship with Harvey, but it was worth it to be with him. Wasn’t it? Harvey eventually returned from the bathroom and we left the theatre, stepping out into the cool night air and strolling along the street in the direction of the car park where we’d left his car. It was tense silence between us every step of the way. He seemed just as unwilling as I was to bring up the whole Richard thing. Maybe he wanted to just drop it as well and move on, like I did? I was afraid to ask in case I was wrong. But I couldn’t do nothing and let this cloud hang between us. So, I decided the best thing to do was change the subject, find something else to talk about. “Hey.” I said. He glanced to me, and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. I smiled at him warmly. “Thanks again for tonight. I really enjoyed the play. It had been far too long since I last went to the theatre.” After a quick look around to make sure there was no one close enough to see, I reached over and gave his paw a gentle appreciative squeeze. After only the barest of split seconds, he squeezed back. And he smiled back at me, the uncertainty gone from his eyes and replaced with warmth and affection. Just like that, the tension seemed to have lifted. “You’re welcome, Oliver.” He said. “And I enjoyed it too.” “You did?” I asked in surprise. “The guy who thought Shakespeare was boring?” He laughed and offered a shrug in response. “So, it won me over. I could see what you meant about needing to see it performed. It did make it somewhat easier to follow. I won’t lie though, it could still be challenging to wrap my head around some of that old language.” He shot me a smile. “But I think I managed to understand the story.” “Really?” I said, not sure why I was surprised. “You think I'm lying?” Harvey replied, feigning offense while still smiling. “No, I just...” I stumbled over how best to phrase this without causing actual offense. “I'm just a little surprised... If you really did get it, tell me.” He raised an eyebrow at me and I added. “Just in the interest of making sure you're not mistaken.” “Okay.” The bear chuckled. He took a deep breath. “It was a tragic story. Othello trusted his friend Iago, but couldn't see how he been betrayed and manipulated by him, how jealously had driven Iago to do terrible things. It ultimately cost him the one he loved. That’s the basic gist of it…” “Yeah, that’s pretty much right.” I nodded. “Although I wasn’t sure about that ending.” Harvey added with a frown. “What with Othello killing himself, seemed like him just escaping the consequences of what he’d done…” I could see what he meant and had to admit he had something of a point. “Yeah, it can be looked at it like that. But the interpretation I like is that he saw that by allowing himself to be manipulated and letting his jealousy and suspicions get the better of him, he had become a monster, his own worst enemy…” I paused as I was struck by how true that was, how we are often own worst enemies. It was a lesson I could have used earlier when over thinking things. “And he was a solider, so he kills his enemies?” Harvey continued for me, apparently seeing what I was getting at. “So… by slaying one of the monsters of the story, namely himself, he is ultimately one of the heroes of it? That’s an interesting way of looking at it…” We discussed some more bits and pieces of the play as we continued back to his car. And I had to marvel at just what was happening. I was finishing up a night at the theatre, discussing Shakespeare with my boyfriend. Something I had doubted would ever happen. That thought raised my spirits enormously, in spite of the earlier unpleasant stuff with Richard. It may not have been perfect, but right then, life was good… It might not have been perfect, but it had been good. As thoughts went, that pretty much summed up the night out with Oliver pretty damn well, I thought as I arrived home, stepping into my apartment and locking the door behind me. I had been a little surprised that Oliver had seemed to want to drop the whole Richard thing and my bad reaction to it. I had meant to try and apologise, and I had struggled to try to find the right words to explain my position that didn’t just make me seem like an over-reacting idiot. That had proven tougher that I thought it would. And before I had managed to come up with something, the badger had started talking about other things, about the play. Smiling and squeezing my paw. Had he forgiven me for my behaviour? Maybe, but I had been too afraid to ask in case I was wrong. It was slightly annoying that he seemingly hadn’t understood or even tried to understand my position with regards to that damn lion. But it was probably best to just follow Oliver’s lead and drop it, ignore it and move on. After all, it was highly unlikely we’d ever see that Richard guy again, right? But the uncomfortable thoughts still plagued me as I hung up my jacket and pulled out my phone to plug it into the charger for the night. Was it really for the best that Oliver didn’t want to talk about it? A second after thinking that, I realized how amazingly hypocritical of me that was. If anyone wasn’t talking about things, it was me. I couldn’t really make Oliver talk about things if I wasn’t willing to do the same. And I wasn’t, not yet… I realized my phone was switched off and I frowned for a moment before realizing. I had switched it off before the performance at the theatre. I had just forgotten to switch it back on again. I hit the button to power it up. When it came right down to it, I was afraid. I really liked Oliver and didn’t want to do anything that might wreck this new relationship. Like forcing Oliver to talk about the Richard thing. With a sigh I decided that forgetting about the whole thing was probably the best course of action, even if I was unsure whether or not it would ultimately be a mistake. A bleep on my phone distracted me. A text message. It must have come through while my phone was off. I checked it and saw it was from Ivan: Have found the info on the badger’s father. Contact me ASAP. I stared at it. I had completely forgotten about asking Ivan to track down Oliver’s father. And I had no idea what to do now he had apparently succeeded. It seemed like I was far from done making mistakes with Oliver…
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Raging Tiger/Kuman the Barbarian/Mitchell and Michael/Going Under/Beware the Transformer/That Day/Working Bears/Heart of a Hero