That Day, Part 10: Pursuing Happiness

 

I nervously tapped the table top as I waited and sipped at my coffee, wondering for at least the hundredth time if I was doing the right thing.

It would have been easy to just tell Ivan that I had changed my mind, that I no longer wanted the information I had asked him to find. I could have just put the whole damn thing out of my mind.

But curiosity had got the better of me. I wanted to know. I suppose I had this vague idea that if I was able to talk to Oliver’s father, I could figure out some way to smooth things over between the two of them, somehow fix their relationship and make my boyfriend happy.

Yeah, I know now how stupid that was of me. But it really had seemed like a good idea at the time. So, I had eventually called Ivan back to get the information.

And that led me to be sitting in a coffee shop, waiting to meet with Ivan’s private detective, the one who’d done the research for him. Chuck had frowned a little at my request for a longer lunch break, but hadn’t pressed me on the reason why, which I was grateful for. I guess I knew that if I told him, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell me what a stupid thing I was doing. And I’d be hard pressed to argue that he was wrong.

Sipping at my bitter black coffee, I wondered what was taking this damn detective so long. Idly, I mused on the fact that Ivan always seemed to have a private detective working for him at all times for various reasons.

Was it still Vinnie? I sure hoped not. The few times I had met that rat, I had just ended up feeling dirty afterwards, he was so slimy and unscrupulous and had a horrible leering grin that could unsettle even those with nerves of steel. I had hated him instantly and he had nothing to show me that was the wrong opinion to have of him.

But then, I tended to have a low opinion of private investigators in general. It was kind of a cop thing I suppose. I’d always disliked the way they seemed to be constantly on the edge of breaking the law, sometimes resorting to legally questionable, and sometimes simply illegal, methods to do their job.

One of my early experiences as a police officer had been responding the call of a distraught young vixen who believed she was being followed by a creepy old ferret. The ferret in question had turned out to be a private investigator, hired by a suspicious fiancé who thought she had been cheating on him.

The thing was, she hadn’t been, the whole thing had been a waste of time and money and she had been left heart-broken that the guy she loved could do that to her. Seeing how much distress and upset that ferret had caused by doing his job had really soured me on the whole profession. And the few times I had run ins with private detectives after that had done nothing to improve my opinion of them.

Of course, there was the fact the work of a private detective had caused me personally a lot of difficulty and pain, that fact couldn’t be discounted. The way in which…

“Harvey Kemp?”

The voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked up from my coffee to see a tall coyote with slightly scruffy reddish-brown fur, ears twitching nervously. He was wearing a casual suit with a beat-up satchel slung over one shoulder.

“Yes?” I said.

“Excellent!” He held out a paw. “Jacob Corrigan, private investigator. Pleased to meet you. Ivan sent me?”

“Of course.” I said, shaking his paw quickly. “Please, sit down and let’s get this over with…”

“Sorry I’m running late.” The coyote said as he slipped into the chair opposite me. “I’ve been having a busy day.”

“Hmm.” Was my only response, not really interested.

The detective frowned. “Is there a problem?”

“No.” I lied. Then I shrugged. “I guess I should just be glad I’m not meeting with Vinnie right now.”

“Hah!” Jacob laughed at that. “Yeah, Vinnie was real unpleasant bastard. Ivan dumped him a while back. Last I heard, he was being charged with breaking and entering to try and get info for a client.”

That piece of news didn’t surprise me in the slightest. Not because it was Vinnie, but because in my time I’d heard plenty of stories about the kinds of things private detectives did for the sake of the job.

“And I suppose breaking and entering is something you would never do?” I said, accusingly. “If the job requires it?”

He sat back, staring at me, a steely seriousness on his features. “If a case needs me to do that, then I have taken the wrong case. I don’t do that sort of thing.”

I didn’t believe him for a second. “Sure.”

“I get it, I really do.” Said Jacob. “You don’t like private detectives like me. By the level of dislike, I’d easily guess you were either an ex-cop or someone who had been burned by a P.I in the past. Or both.”

That made me stop and stare at him in surprise.

“In your case, I happen to know it’s both.” He said. Upon seeing my shocked expression, he explained. “I did a little research into you.”

The idea of a private investigator digging through my life once again caused a rise of anger in me. “Why?” I demanded with a growl.

“Relax, Mr. Kemp.” He said. “It was only some basic research, I didn’t dig very deep. I was just curious about the guy old Ivan is apparently so indebted to…”

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to calm down. I was not going to let this guy get to me. “But still, that was…”

“It was terrible what happened.” Jacob said, softly. “It was terrible and unfair and I can’t imagine how difficult it all must have been for you. I’m sorry.”

Looking him directly in the eye, I was a little surprised that I could see no trace of insincerity in his expression. His sentiment seemed to be genuine, not just said to try and placate me.

“Thank you…” I said, not sure what else to say.

“I am surprised though.” The coyote detective added. “Ivan apparently owes you a fair few favours. Why not ask for his help? With his connections, surely he could have done something?”

“I was tempted.” I said, taking myself by surprise at the admission. “But his methods… they wouldn’t have been honest, and possibly illegal. As much as being a police officer meant to me, I wasn’t willing to cross that line to save my career.”

Jacob nodded. “I understand. My agency has nearly gone under a few times because of my refusal to do dishonest jobs. My principles are just too important to me…”

I was somewhat suspicious about that. Was he just saying that to make himself look good? I couldn’t be completely sure, but I once again couldn’t detect any insincerity in him.

The coyote shrugged. “Anyway, it’s a shame you dislike private detectives. For two big reasons.”

That piqued my curiosity. “Oh? What reasons?”

“Well, for one, I would have offered you a job in my agency.” Jacob said with a smile. “And don’t look so surprised. Yes, a lot of cops don’t like us P.I’s, but still a few end up in the business after leaving the force. And before things turned bad for you, your police record was excellent. I’d be an idiot not to consider it. But since I can tell you’d just say no…”

“I would.” I said, firmly. I may have been in the process of reconsidering my career, but there was no way I was even going to consider becoming a private detective.

“Then I won’t waste the time making the offer.” He started digging through his satchel.

“What was the other reason?” I asked.

“Hmm?” He looked up briefly. “Oh! Because you’re a nice handsome guy and I would have otherwise not hesitated to ask you out…”

Well that certainty took me by surprise. I stumbled over my words as I tried to figure out how to respond to that. It was kind of flattering, I suppose, but I was with Oliver and despite him starting to seem like an okay guy, he was a private detective…

It suddenly hit me that I was facing exactly what Oliver had been during our date a few days before, getting hit on by some guy and being too surprised to immediately respond and explain that I was already involved with someone. It made me feel even more like an over-reacting ass for my behaviour…

Before I could gather myself enough to respond to the coyote, he had pulled a large brown envelope from his satchel, setting it on the table and starting to talk.

“Here we are then.” He said, patting the envelope. “Just what you wanted. Information about the father of an Oliver Reynolds.”

I glanced at the thick envelope and then back up at him. “What’s this? I just asked for his name and address.”

“Ah.” Said Jacob, sheepishly. “Then I may have gone a little overboard. In my defence, Ivan didn’t specify what information you wanted. He just told me to find out whatever I could about this guy.”

Sighing, I shook my head. I could guess what had probably happened. Ivan had likely decided that using a private detective to just find a name and address would be a little over the top, he would have wanted more value for his money, so had simply had Jacob dig up whatever he could, make the coyote work for his pay. Ivan did like to make things more complicated than they had to be sometimes.

“Oh well.” The coyote detective shrugged. “The name and address are in there. There’s just a lot of other stuff about him as well.”

The thought struck me that maybe that wasn’t so bad. I could learn more about Oliver’s father, perhaps get some insight into him that would allow me to help him and Oliver deal with things.

But whether or not that was the case, this was it, I thought, glaring at the envelope. The point of no return. Deep down, I knew that looking at the contents would be crossing a line. Prying into Oliver’s private matters. Getting personal information about him and his life through less than honest means. I’m sure on some level I knew that this was wrong.

But in that moment, I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking about how I might be able to help my boyfriend if I could figure out a way to fix the problems between him and his father. Maybe how much I missed my own father played into that, maybe not. It was no excuse for what I was about to do.

“I’ve got to admit, I am curious.” Jacob said. “Are you dating his son?”

“What?” I spluttered in shock. “How the hell did you know that?” I instantly had the idea that his ‘research’ into me had involved following me, watching me. That was the way these kind of guys did things after all…

“Relax, it was just an educated guess.” The coyote said, holding up his paws in a conciliatory fashion. “His son being gay came up in my research. And I saw your reaction to when I said I wanted to ask you out, it’s the same kind of look I’ve seen when hitting on someone who’s already taken.”

That placated me some, even though I wasn’t entirely happy with him knowing so much about my private life. Although to be fair, it was a little impressive how he’d figured it out. I could always appreciate good detective skills.

“Although…” Jacob said, cautiously. “I do wonder why you had to go through Ivan to get this information, rather than from your boyfriend. Possibly you’re doing this without him knowing about it?”

As much as I could appreciate good detective skills, they could also be annoying when they revealed private and uncomfortable details. I glowered at the detective, but said nothing.

He simply nodded, seemingly taking this as conformation that he was right. “I see.” He paused for a moment. “Look, it’s really none of my business, but a little advice… This will cause nothing but trouble for the two of you. Sneaking around, delving into your boyfriend’s personal matters without him knowing, no matter how good your intentions. I learned that the hard way…”

I really was in no mood for a lecture, particularly from some annoying muck-racking private detective. “Yes.” I said, interrupting him. “It really is none of your business.”

“Okay, fine.” Jacob said with a shrug, making to stand and leave. “My job here is done. What you do with that information now is entirely up to you.”

He was about to leave, but paused, fumbling in a pocket. A moment later, he pulled out a business card and handed it to me. It was a simple thing, just a logo, ‘Corrigan Investigations’ in bold lettering and a phone number.

“Why give me this?” I asked. I was certain I would never in a million years want to hire him.

The coyote detective smiled at me, a twinkle in his eyes. “Just in case you ever get over your aversion to private detectives and want a job.”

“That is never going to happen.” I said, firmly.

“Ah well, hope springs eternal.” Jacob chuckled. “Goodbye, Mr. Kemp.” And then he left, sauntering confidently away as I stuffed his business card into a pocket, forgetting about it instantly.

I was left alone with my thoughts. Well, that and the envelope full of details on Oliver’s homophobic father. I picked it up, staring at it. Despite my eagerness to reject his advice, I knew Jacob had a point about what I was doing. I should probably just tear up the envelope without reading it, forget the whole thing.

And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do that. The urge to do something to help Oliver, to make his life better, was too strong. And that was all well and good, but doing it this way, behind his back, seemed so wrong…

In that moment, I had no idea what I was going to do…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


I had no idea what to do.

I lounged on my couch, trying to think of what to do with myself.

But then, that was pretty much every day I wasn’t at work. Boredom had become a constant companion as I tried to fill my time every day. I could hardly believe it, but I was actually starting to look forward to being recovered enough to return to work and escape the boredom and loneliness that filled most of my day.

There was Harvey, of course. The bear had quickly and easily become the highlight of my day, whenever I either got to see him or talk to him on the phone. We did one or the other pretty much every day now. I’d reached the point where I had trouble imagining what my life might be without him in it and I didn’t want to find out.

But still, he remained maddeningly closed off about his past. Every time we spoke, I itched to ask him about it, to press him for more details. But my fear always stopped me. The fear of pushing him too much. The fear of offending him and driving him away. The fear of losing him.

So, we tended to talk about everyday things instead. Small talk and trivialities, movies and TV, the weather and current affairs. Which was great, don’t get me wrong, I always enjoyed talking to Harvey, no matter the subject. There just seemed to always be this part of me that wished he’d open up more about personal stuff. I was probably just too eager to rush things. Our relationship was barely a few weeks old after all. I guessed I just needed to give him more time to feel comfortable enough with me.

One thing we hadn’t talked about that I was glad of was the Richard incident during our date the previous weekend. It was as if we had both silently agreed to just drop it and move on. Which was fine by me, I didn’t want to dredge up any unpleasantness between us.

With an effort, I pulled my thoughts away from my bear boyfriend. As tempting as it was, I couldn’t just sit there all day thinking about him.

A moment later, as I was contemplating watching a movie, my phone rang.

As my paw shot out for it, the idea danced through my head that maybe it was Harvey. It was lunchtime, maybe he was using his break to give me a call to chat.

But it wasn’t. I saw the number and my blood ran cold. It was Felix.

I hadn’t heard anything from him since our meeting the week before and had been too afraid to get in contact with him, instead putting him, and all the fear and worry that went along with him knowing that I was gay, out of my mind. I’d managed to do that pretty well.

Now seeing his name on my phone’s screen brought it all flooding back, and my imagination immediately started considering worst case scenarios. Had he decided not to keep my secret after all? Was he calling to berate me for being a coward? To tell me how wrong and evil I was because I was gay?

I came very close to not answering, but in the end, I went ahead and took the call, hitting the button and holding the phone to my ear.

“Hello Felix.” I said, probably more warily than I should have.

“Hi Oliver. How are you doing?” Felix’s distinctive voice answered. His tone seemed pleasant enough. At least, that’s what I tried to tell myself in that moment.

“I’m doing okay.” I said, keeping my tone neutral. “Slowly recovering.”

“Glad to hear it.” Felix said. Then he paused. A long awkward uncomfortable pause.

“Look, I’m calling because I….” The fox stumbled over his words. “I… Well I wanted to talk about you… your being… well…”

“Gay?” I finished for him, wanting him to get to the point.

“Yeah, that…” He sighed. He seemed to be very uncomfortable.

“What about it?” I asked, dreading the answer.

“First off, I just wanted to say sorry.” Felix began. “I’m sorry for how I left last week. I was just really shocked by what you told me… but still, just running out of there like that, leaving you wondering what I might do with what you told me… I’ve realized that was pretty crappy of me…”

That was certainly a very unexpected surprise, and it caught me off guard. “Well, I… Thank you…”

There was another pause before he continued. “I’ve been doing a hell of a lot of thinking since you told me… I’m still trying to get used to the idea, wrap my head around it. I mean, I’ve never known anyone gay before… well, I suppose you’ve been gay the whole time I’ve known you, but you know what I mean…”

He was babbling, but I stayed quiet, giving him a chance to get his thoughts in order and get out what he wanted to say.

“How on Earth do you put up with Frank?” He asked suddenly. “I mean, I never really paid much attention to the homophobic crap he says, just didn’t really notice. But since I’ve been thinking about you and the gay thing… He really does spout a whole lot of shit, doesn’t he? I was really tempted a few times this week to call him out on it…”

“Please don’t.” I said, more pleadingly than I had intended. “Please don’t cause a fuss. He might want to know why, and it might come out… I’m really not ready to have everyone know, to have to deal with that…”

Felix went quiet for a few moments and then sighed. “Okay Oliver, I’ll keep my muzzle shut about it. But I still don’t know how you handle listening to his crap all the time…”

A completely humourless chuckle slipped out of me. “I don’t really have a whole lot of choice beyond doing my best to ignore it.” I said. “I guess I’ve just kind of got used to hearing it and being uncomfortable.”

“But you shouldn’t have to!” Felix said. “It just seems wrong and unfair.”

“It is wrong and unfair.” I agreed. “But it’s just the way things are.”

“Are you really sure you don’t want me to have a word with Frank?” The fox asked. “I could just…”

“No!” I said, hurriedly interrupting him. “Please don’t!”

I heard him let out a sigh on the other end of the phone. “Okay.”

Feeling a little guilty, I added. “I appreciate the offer, you wanting to help. I really do. But I’d prefer it if we just left it alone, at least for now.”

“Okay then.” He said. “If you think that’s best…”

“I do.” I said, even though I really wasn’t now I was talking about it. Was it really best to just sit back and accept that things are wrong, and not try to do anything about it?

“Are you happy?” Said Felix, asking a question I didn’t expect.

“I… what?” I stammered. “What do you mean?”

“All the thinking I’ve been doing…” Felix explained. “I went round and round in circles in my head, and I kept coming back to the same thing. What the hell does it matter if you’re gay, if you’re not hurting anyone and you’re happy? So, are you happy? Being gay and everything?”

“Yeah.” I said, without really thinking about it. “It’s part of who I am, accepting that makes me happy. I have a boyfriend who makes me very happy…”

“A boyfriend?” Felix said. “That’s, err… that’s good…”

He sounded a little uncertain on that point. I supposed that accepting I was gay was one thing, but actually imagining me with another guy was something else. That was okay, he was still getting used to this part of me. But still, I couldn’t help but tease him a little…

“Yeah, he’s a big cuddly bear.” I said, hoping to give him a good mental picture of me and a bear lovingly pressed up against each other, doing all sorts of things. “He’s great to snuggle up with…”

“Right.” Felix sounded noticeably uncertain. “Good… That’s very umm…”

“We’re great together.” I teased, a big smile on my face. “I could tell you all about the stuff we get up to if you like… How we…”

“No, no!” The fox said hurriedly. I could just imagine his shocked look. “That’s fine! I…”

“It’s no trouble.” I said, despite his protests. “I could easily tell you everything! About us together doing…”

“You really don’t need to!” Felix pleaded. “I mean, it’s all great and cool and everything, but I… that is…” He paused and took a deep breath. “You just messing with me, aren’t you?”

I laughed. “Sorry, you just sounded so uncomfortable at the idea of me having a boyfriend, I couldn’t resist.”

He seemed to feel a bit guilty about that. “Yeah, sorry. I just…”

“You don’t need to explain.” I interrupted. “It’s okay to be a bit unsure about things while you’re getting used to it.”

“Thanks.” He said, apparently relieved that I wasn’t going to hold his difficulties against him.

“The point is that yes, I am happy with who I am.” I explained. “And I am very happy with my boyfriend.”

“A good guy is he?” Felix cautiously asked.

I couldn’t help but smile as I thought of Harvey. “The best.”

“Good.” Said Felix, simply. There was another brief pause before he carried on. “Anyway, I should probably go. I need to grab a bite to eat before my lunch hour is up.”

“Sure.” I said. “Thanks for the call, for checking in on me, and for the apology.”

“You’re welcome, Oliver.” Felix replied. “You take care of yourself.”

“You too.” I told him. “Feel free to call me again sometime.”

“Maybe I will.” He replied. “Bye for now.”

“Goodbye Felix.”

And then he hung up. I sat staring at the phone in my paw for a few moments before setting it aside. Suddenly my stomach started grumbling a little.

It seemed the fox talking about getting a bite to eat had reminded me that I still needed to make myself some lunch. I hauled myself off the couch and headed for the kitchen. As I went, I thought about the conversation I’d just had. It had been an unexpected phone call, but still a rather successful one.

It struck me just how much my life had changed in the past several weeks. Meeting Harvey, getting into a relationship with him, visiting the theatre again for the first time in years… and now this. If anyone had told me that I would actually confide in Felix that I was gay and that he would ultimately be okay with it… well, there was not a chance in hell of me believing them. But now, here I was, with a new friend.

Friend? With a start I realized that was how I was thinking of Felix now. Before, he’d been just an acquaintance, a work colleague. Now he was a friend. Maybe not a close one, but a friend nonetheless. A part of me could hardly believe it.

Turns out that getting stabbed and almost dying can really change your life.

I shuddered as I thought of that night yet again, the fear and terror, the pain as the knife…

With an almighty effort, I stopped myself. No, I told myself. Don’t think about that. The nightmares are more than enough without reliving the events during the day.

I forced myself to think of something happy and so of course my mind went to Harvey. I had meant everything I had said to Felix about him.

As I busied myself making myself some sandwiches, my thoughts dwelled on the bear and the question that had come to me again and again in our relationship so far. What the hell did he see in me?

On some level, I knew it was just my own self-esteem issues that caused me to ask that question, but it still seemed perfectly obvious that Harvey could easily do a lot better than me. He could find someone who wasn’t as weak and scared and paranoid as me. Someone out of the closet, capable of showing him affection in public, rather than cowering from the prospect like I did.

Someone he felt comfortable enough with to open up to, to talk about his past with.

I finished making my lunch and sat at the kitchen table, half-heartedly munching away at my sandwiches.

After all, Harvey made me so happy, happier than I had felt in a long time, happier than I felt I had any right to be (there were those self-esteem issues again). And I wished I could make that bear just as happy. I was certain that if I asked, he would say that I did. But would I believe him, or just assume he didn’t want to hurt my feelings? If I was honest with myself, I didn’t really know.

When it came right down to it, Harvey was probably the best guy I had ever dated. There was no question about that. Yeah, the fact he still hadn’t talked much about himself and his past bugged me more that I let on, and his over-reaction to the whole Richard thing had been annoying. But his good qualities far outweighed those problems.

So yeah, I probably didn’t deserve him and sometimes caught myself wondering how long it would be until he realized that and this wonderful relationship came to an end. But I really didn’t want to lose him. So, what could I do?

The answer was kind of obvious. Be more worthy of him, be more deserving of being with Harvey. Do more to make him as happy as he made me.

Then the question in my head had become how exactly to do that. My romantic record was hardly great, so I didn’t have a great deal of confidence in being able to do that and not sabotage things and drive him away.

He seemed to enjoy spending time with me, maybe hang out with him more. Of course, I’d have to be careful not to get too clingy. Maybe do more to help him figure out a hobby? Provided I could do that without intruding too much into his life. Or I could always try and be romantic? Although there was a possibility I could go overboard and just become annoying.

I sighed. No matter what I did, it seemed there was a chance I could just screw up our relationship.

I had to try and figure something out. That wonderful bear deserved all the happiness I could give him. I sat there, eating my lunch and thinking hard.

How could I make him happy?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Would this make him happy?

I glared at the envelope, laying on my coffee table where I dropped it after I got home from work. It was as if I was hoping it would answer that question for me.

I hadn’t opened it yet. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do that. I also hadn’t been able to bring myself to destroy it either. It had spent the day since lunchtime in the glove box of my car, the thought of it a constant distraction during the afternoon as I tried to work and not think about the damn thing.

Now I was home, and I had to come to some kind of decision as to what I was going to do. Was I going to violate Oliver’s privacy, pry into his personal life? Or was I going to throw away this information that could possibly help me do something to make Oliver happier?

Neither seemed a particularly attractive option and I cursed myself for ever having asked Ivan to do that favour for me. I’d done that many times that day.

But all the cursing in the world wasn’t going to solve the problem of what to do now.

I should have just destroyed it, I know that. I knew it then that it was probably the right thing to do. Just get rid of it and move on, not stick my muzzle into Oliver’s personal affairs unless he asked me to.

Except, the idea of somehow maybe helping fix things between Oliver and his father had wormed its way into my head and taken root. I couldn’t seem to stop thinking how happy that would make the badger. And I desperately wanted to make him as happy as I possibly could.

Before he realized he could do so much better than me and this relationship came to a heart-breaking end.

Oliver really was an amazing guy, much better than the likes of me with my trust issues and my paranoia. I wanted… No, I needed to do my best to make him happy in any way that I could. To prove to both him and myself that I was worthy of having a boyfriend and a relationship, especially with someone as great as Oliver.

Hence the question about the envelope. Would reading it help make Oliver happy or not?

I must have sat there glowering at the thing for at least an hour going back and forth on it, uncertainty and indecision running rampant through my head.

Eventually, I snatched it up and paused, clutching it in my paws. The thought had occurred to me that perhaps there was no harm in just looking at the contents. Having information on Oliver’s father didn’t necessarily mean I was going to do anything with it, right?

Yes, it was a pretty weak argument. I was well aware of that. Of the fact that taking this first step would make it much more likely that I would take the next one and then the next. But it was enough to push me over the edge into actually doing something.

Tearing open the flap, I yanked out the sheaf of papers inside and started flipping through them.

I grudgingly had to admit that coyote detective had done a good job, he had been very thorough. There was a full, concisely written report, complete with the promised name and address at the top, summarising the details of everything he’d discovered, as well as photocopies of various documents as evidence.

Edward Reynolds, that was his name, the first thing I noticed as I started reading. He was an only child, son of a used car dealer. His mother apparently had no job, a housewife. They seemed religious, but not overly so, regular church-goers. Everything about his upbringing screamed ‘traditional family values’.

He had a pretty standard school record, average grades. Went to college and got a business degree, worked for various companies before starting his own, a real estate business. He seemed to have made quite a success of it, his company having grown a fair bit over the years. He still worked there, was still at the head of it.

The report then moved on to his personal life. He had married shortly after college, a female badger by the name of Harriet. She hadn’t really had a career beyond volunteer charity work.

The two of them had apparently waited until Edward’s business was well established before looking to start a family… and well, I already knew what happened next from Oliver had told me. Harriet died due to complications while giving birth. Edward had raised Oliver alone, never remarrying.

There was some stuff about Edward being a very supportive and doting father, reducing his role in his company to be there for Oliver as much as possible. The report concluded with the fact that Edward and his son had a falling out over Oliver’s sexuality and rarely seemed to meet these days. Of course, I already knew that bit.

All in all, it was a hell of a lot more than I had been expecting when I had first contacted Ivan. It all painted a picture of an average ordinary guy, a successful business-owner who had been struck with tragedy with the loss of his wife, but had done his best to be a good father to his only child. It was a very different to the Edward I had met, the bitter and angry homophobe.

And sadly, it seemed to do nothing to help me decide how to proceed. I wasn’t sure how I could use any of this to help. Except maybe the address…

Visiting Oliver’s father and trying to talk to him seemed the next logical step at that point. But it was a big, daunting step that had the potential to go horribly wrong. I had to be certain it was the right thing to do, I had to be absolutely certain it could do some good for Oliver. Having seen the relationship with his father, I really did not want to do anything that might make it worse.

I gathered up the papers and slid them back into the envelope, my thoughts racing, imagining all sorts of conversations with Edward, all the different things I could say to try and get through to him, make him see that he was wrong and that there was nothing wrong with his son.

But I knew all too well that trying to reason with homophobes could be a tricky business…

I tried to put it out of my mind, dumping the envelope on the coffee table and trying to ignore it, focus on other things. Like what to do for dinner, or calling Oliver later, or wondering what the two of us might do on out next date on the weekend…

It was no good. I couldn’t stand looking at the damn envelope. It made me feel ashamed of my weakness, of having given in to looking at its contents.

Grumbling to myself, I snatched it up and stalked over to the kitchen and shoved it into my junk drawer, the one where I tended to just put all sorts of crap I didn’t know what to do with. I slammed the draw with perhaps a little more force than was necessary.

I kept telling myself that my intentions were good. I just wanted to find a way to help Oliver, to make my boyfriend happier. But my traitorous sub-conscious simply reminded me of the old saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions.

As I stomped out of the kitchen, I knew I was just being stupid. Yes, I had this information now, but I could always stop myself from actually doing anything with it. Right?

However, that train of thought went no further as there was a sudden knock on my door. I had no idea who it might be. I really wasn’t expecting anyone.

The first thing that struck me as I opened the door was the warm doughy smell of food. And then I saw Oliver standing on my doorstep, two pizza boxes clutched in his paws. He was smiling, but looking a tad nervous.

“Oliver!” I said, stunned at his sudden arrival. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight…”

“I know.” He said. “I’m sorry, I hope I’m not intruding. But I thought I might surprise you, and bring dinner.”

I was touched, I really was. It was a nice surprise to see him, and he was looking so adorable, the hopeful and nervous look he was giving. Plus, he had brought food, the smell of which was making me realize just how hungry I was, that was a nice bonus.

“You’re never intruding, Oliver.” I said, standing aside to let him in. “Come on in, make yourself at home.”

As my boyfriend came in, his smile lighting up the room for me, I was suddenly very grateful for the shame that had led me to put that envelope away. Of course, the reminder that I was now keeping something from my badger only served to make me feel even guiltier than I had done before. But I did my best to keep those feelings buried, so as not to make Oliver think something was wrong.

“Any particular reason you decided to come surprise me?” I asked, as I closed the door and then took the warm pizza boxes from him,

He shrugged and shot me a sweet and playful grin. “Do I need a reason to want to visit my boyfriend?”

“Not at all.” I assured him, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the forehead. Despite him playing it cool, I did get the impression that there might have been something up, that there was more to this visit.

As soon as I had set the boxes down on the living room coffee table, he was hugging me, and I didn’t hesitate to hug him right back. His cuddling against me seemed a little more fierce than normal, I thought.

The realization dawned that he had probably been missing me or just been lonely, stuck in his apartment all day going crazy from boredom. That had to be why he was here. Well, if my badger needed me for some company tonight, I was more than happy to help.

As we pulled apart, he looked me in the eye hopefully. “I hope pizza is okay…”

“Of course it is!” I assured him. “I mean, who the hell doesn’t like pizza?”

He giggled. “People with no taste in good food?”

“Correct!” I laughed. The smell of the pizza was really making me hungry. “What kind did you get?”

“The kind with lots of meat.” He replied. “And nothing spicy. Is… is that okay?”

“It sounds fantastic. Smells fantastic too!” I told him, giving him a quick kiss on the nose.

He smiled, a sight which did an amazing job of warming my heart with happiness.

I grabbed some plates and beers from the kitchen and we sat on the couch, eating pizza and chatting about the day. Of course, I glossed over the part of my day that involved obtaining a load of information on his father. I didn’t lie to Oliver, I didn’t want to do that. I was just careful not to mention anything about it or that might have led to me having to talk about what I did during my lunch break.

He told me all about the call he’d had with that Felix guy, and seemed to be pretty damn happy about how well it had gone. I was pleased for him, knowing from personal experience how bad someone at work finding out about your sexuality can go. I was extremely glad Oliver wouldn’t be going through what I did.

It was a really great evening, the two of us just enjoying being together. It was rather incredible just how good seeing him smiling and laughing could make me feel, like him being happy made everything right with the world.

And it turned out to be just what I needed to take my mind off that envelope stuffed in my kitchen drawer, helping me temporarily forget about it and all the complicated thoughts and feelings it represented.

We eventually finished the pizza and snuggled up on the couch, idly watching TV as we cuddled, our paws gently stroking each other.

It was all very pleasant, nice and relaxing. I could easily have enjoyed just being there like that with my badger for the rest of the night. And I was certain he felt the same.

So, it came as quite the surprise when he made a move.

Suddenly, simply cuddling didn’t seem to be enough for him. He turned and kissed me deeply, his tongue slipping into my muzzle. I didn’t resist, kissing him back just as passionately.

But it was more than that. His paws were running up and down me, fondling and stroking suggestively, at one point a paw even cupped my groin, giving my crotch a rub and squeeze before moving on. It felt amazing, even despite him being somewhat cautious with his left arm so as not to knock his cast too much. It was only seconds before Oliver’s massaging managed to start getting me aroused.

And then the badger stepped it up a notch, clambering on top of me, straddling me across my lap. Before I knew what was happening, he was grinding gently against me, against the growing bulge at my groin. His paws were tirelessly continuing their massage of my body as he relentlessly kissed and licked at my face and neck.

I was in heaven, Oliver’s ministrations stoking the fires of lust and desire in me. Believe it or not, the two of us had not really talked about sex yet. I didn’t know about him, but I had just assumed we’d get to it eventually when we were both ready, I certainly wasn’t interested in rushing things. With him, there was more between us than sex, and I was just fine with us taking our time and letting our relationship develop naturally. But it seemed as if Oliver had decided not to wait any longer.

It was becoming more and more difficult to think about anything beyond this gorgeous, wonderful, amazing badger on top of me. This badger who seemed eager for his to take things to the next, much more intimate, level between us, and it was nearly impossible to come up with any objections. I wanted this so much but hadn’t expected it so soon…

The desire to scoop him up in my arms and carry him to the bedroom was getting stronger and stronger. The sensation of my badger, my boyfriend, throwing himself at me like this, driving my sexual lust and yearning to be inside of him to greater and greater heights… It was bliss. I was pure unadulterated pleasure….

And yet, it also felt… off. Wrong somehow.

I fought through my rising animalistic sexual need to pull some coherent thoughts together. What was the problem here? What was so wrong with Oliver throwing himself at me like this?

And then it hit me. Because it was Oliver throwing himself at me. I realized that this was all very out of character for him. Why exactly was he doing this? Had his loneliness been so bad as to drive him to over-compensate?

If there was something wrong with Oliver, I needed to know what it was so that I could help him…

Trust me when I say that there are no words capable of fully describing the monumental force of will it took for me to stop things going any further. To take Oliver by the shoulders and ease him off me so that I could look him in the eye. A part of me immediately hated that I was doing this and not letting things run their course.

He looked at me quizzically. “Something wrong?”

“What’s going on here?” I said.

He raised an eyebrow. “I would have thought that was pretty obvious, Hero. I thought you were an experienced guy.”

With that he tried to start again. Once again, I stopped him, gripping his shoulders firmly but gently, holding him where he was.

“Don’t you… Don’t you want to make love to me?” Oliver haltingly asked. There was a look of hurt in his eyes, a horrible sight that caused a twist of painful regret in my heart.

“Of course I do!” I said, reaching up and stroking one of his cheeks. “But this… this isn’t like you Oliver, so I’m wondering what’s going on and why you are doing this?”

“You’re my boyfriend.” He explained, looking uncomfortable. “I want to do everything I can to make you happy. I thought this would do that…”

I frowned. “And you’re ready to take this step? This is really the way you want to do it?” He was about to answer, but I quickly added. “Be honest.”

He sagged a little at that, a downcast look creeping across his features. “Honestly?” He sighed. “No… But I will for you, Hero. If it’s what you want. I just… well, I want you to be happy…”

I wasn’t sure what to say. It was kind of touching that he was willing to push himself into something he wasn’t ready for, just for my happiness. Or what he believed would be my happiness anyway. But at the same time, it was more than a little heart-breaking that he felt he needed to do that, to be someone other than the wonderful guy he already was…

“Oliver.” I said, gently. “When we have sex for the first time, I want it to be when its natural, when it feels like the right time for both of us. You don’t have to do this…”

“But I have to be…” He tried to protest.

“You don’t have to be anything except who you are.” I told him. “The amazing guy I choose to ask to be my boyfriend. I’m sure when the sex comes, it will be magnificent, but my interest in you goes way beyond that. I like you just the way you are. You don’t have to be force yourself to be some kind of nymphomaniac just for me.”

“You’re sure?” He asked. “If it will make you happy, I really could…”

“I’m certain.” I said. “I want to be with you. Not some other version of you, not you trying to be someone you’re not. Just you. That will make me happy.”

Before he could say anything further, I decided to emphasise my point by pulling him close and kissing him, a full on passionate no holds barred kind of a kiss, hugging him tightly at the same time.

He was soon kissing and hugging me back. I could feel him slowly relaxing against me, the tension draining out of him.

It was several minutes later when we finally pulled apart. He shot me a weak smile as he climbed off my lap and returned to his place on the couch beside me. “I’m sorry.” He said.

I frowned. “For what?”

“For jumping you like that.” Oliver said. “For getting so insecure…”

“It’s okay.” I said, placing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. “Just try to remember. I like you and am very happy with you.”

“I’ll try…” He said, still seeming a little down about what had happened.

“We’ll get to the sexual side of our relationship eventually.” I told him. “And when we do, just so you know… that stuff you were doing was totally hot!” I gave him a broad grin. “You know, just for future reference, for when the times comes…”

That managed to get a laugh out of him, bringing a big smile to his muzzle. Seeing him cheer up really warmed my heart. I did really hate seeing him unhappy.

And he definitely felt the same about me, he had proven that. He was willing to go to some lengths to see me happy, to go against his own desires and force himself to do something he wasn’t really ready for…

In that moment, sitting there on the couch cuddling with Oliver, that was when I made my decision.

If Oliver was willing to go to difficult and uncomfortable lengths for the sake of my happiness, then surely I had to be willing to do the same in order to be worthy of having him in my life?

So, I would do just that. It would be difficult, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to manage it, but right then and there, I decided that I would go ahead and at least try, for Oliver’s sake.

I was going to visit his father and try to fix things between the two of them…

To Be Continued...

Read Part 11...

Raging Tiger/Kuman the Barbarian/Mitchell and Michael/Going Under/Beware the Transformer/That Day/Working Bears/Heart of a Hero

The Art Gallery/The Library/The Comic Store

Return to Main Page